The Technique of Foreplay
The fact that most women are sensitive in the genital region largely
at the clitoris does not mean at all that they will react even approximately in
the same manner to orgasm or to the emotions leading up to it. They have the
same organs, it is true, but not necessarily the same nerve structure or similar
temperament apart from their sexual natures. Some women are naturally more
reserved than others, some less inhibited, some more imaginative, some more
broad-minded, some more modest, to note only a few distinctions. Quite
obviously, they can vary in numerous other ways. Undoubtedly, some of these
variations, while not necessarily interfering with ultimate sexual
gratification, though some do, interpose obstacles to it. The reason for a quirk
in the nature of an individual can lie either in her background, in her
inheritance, or in her endowment.
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For instance, a girl reared under the influence of a mother whose habit it is to
talk contemptuously of sex, due probably to her own unsatisfactory sex life, may
develop an aloofness toward it in the daughter. The daughter, though susceptible
to sexual excitation, may be in constant conflict with her mental conception,
making her difficult, but not impossible, to arouse. Mental attitude is the most
important factor in successful sexual intimacy.
It may also occur that a girl is brought up in a home environment where
demonstrativeness and outward expression of affection are subdued. Such a girl,
married to a man from a similar environment, can hardly be expected to react to
foreplay as would a woman coming from a household where outward manifestations
of affection are lavish and constant.
On the other hand, there are many girls, maturing in a reserved atmosphere, who
respond greedily to affection, although their sisters may take after the
parents. In this respect, nature has constructed a highly passionate girl by
birth, and no amount of parental coldness can stifle her desires. If anything,
she is starved for affection. Of course, her partner's nature must be reciprocal
if it is to encourage hers.
Then, there are women whose attitude toward sex and to the male and his sexual
habits is one of modified revulsion at the outset, but capable of subsequent
change. In these cases, it frequently happens that, as children, their bedrooms
adjoined that of their parents, and they have heard their fathers attempting to
force their mothers into intimacy on occasions when the women had no desire for
it. One does not know, of course, whether the husbands were unreasonable in
their demands. The normal man rarely is unreasonable as to frequency, and it can
be suspected that the mothers had their share of responsibility in the matter.
Regardless of where the fault lies, the children become victims; it might be
remarked that cases of this kind are not uncommon. To induce in such girls a
normal attitude toward men and sex is entirely a matter of approach, and the
male who would break down this reserve must proceed with caution and never
attempt to use force or haste.
There is no need to examine all of the factors which may affect sexual
temperament. They are too numerous, and they serve simply to illustrate what can
happen to increase the tendency of most women to be slow to arouse. In the
majority of the cases, however, it will not be known just what causes a woman to
be slow in response; a husband will know only that she is slow or difficult.
Consequently, she must be handled in a manner which always takes all possible
factors into consideration. Once a man fully realizes that the sexual
disposition of a woman parallels his in only the most minor degree, there will
be less sexual incompatibility.
It is well to explain at this point what is meant by fore-play and the proper
but neglected procedure concerning it. Foreplay consists of the love-making,
however a couple engages in it, which stimulates passion and precedes actual
intercourse. Properly practiced, it should comprise two parts: during the first
half, all contact with the female genital region by either the hand or the male
organ should be kept at an absolute minimum. A man has every portion of the
female body except that area upon which to concen-trate and an adequate lover
can thus induce excitement sufficient in most cases even for intercourse.
The second half of foreplay should concentrate upon the female genital area even
if the male be simultaneously kissing his partner's mouth or her breasts.
Foreplay should never last less than fifteen minutes even though a woman may be
sufficiently aroused in five. The other ten minutes properly utilized can
stimulate her to even greater heights of excitement. The only exception to this
should occur when a woman requests intercourse sooner or if she has attained her
maximum pitch of excitement and is beginning to cool. This can easily happen in
the case of a woman of average passion who is not completely in the mood.
Foreplay should never run less than fifteen minutes because this is not too
generous a period in which to extend a woman's pleasure. Some wives are just
beginning to experience a clitoral erection at the end of that time; others
require an even longer period. Numerous women begin to experience a clitoral
sensation only at the end of a half hour. Proper handling, of course, can reduce
this period considerably, but it requires patience and understanding.
Although there is a minimum period for foreplay, there is no maximum, beyond the
two exceptions mentioned. Just as cooling can be detected, there is also a
definite guide by which to judge the extent of a woman's excitement and her
readiness for intercourse. This will be treated shortly, and is one of the most
important pieces of knowledge that a husband can possess with respect to his
wife. With it, he can be absolutely certain that he will not engage in
intercourse before his partner is ready, something the average man too
frequently is careless about.
So far, then, we have considered the normal erogenous zones; their varying
sensitivity, both generally and with respect to individual women; the fact that
different combinations of sensitive areas will vary sexual responsiveness in
women; and the fact that a woman's nature may either assist or interfere with
the operation of normal sexual machinery. It is now necessary to know how these
factors further affect the sexual process.
With respect to foreplay, most women—the lowly and moderately sensitive,
together forming the majority—are more or less silent and passive aside from the
usual squirming that is customary as male and female bodies press closely
together. All women, however, even the highly sensitive, are disposed to allow
the male to arouse them; they do not give too much thought to his particular
emotion, seeming to assume it will take care of itself, which it generally does.
The extent of female passion, regardless of its degree, forces the woman to
concentrate largely upon herself; this is especially true of the highly
passionate types, who will not hesitate to express their desires if they are
completely uninhibited. Such activity as any woman engages in is either
involuntary or tends to increase her own emotion. If by chance such behavior
also excites the male, it is purely coincidental unless it be deliberately done
for the purpose of arousing an unenthusiastic or slow partner.
Although the highly sensitive type of woman may be inactive during foreplay but
intensely emotional during intercourse, she is more inclined to activity, as
would be expected, and is also the most quickly aroused. She can reach a point
of excitement in the first half of foreplay which the majority of women attain
only after full foreplay, and is ready for the sex act at almost any time. She
may wrestle until subdued, thereafter remaining perfectly quiet; she may roll,
rise to her knees, and then throw herself on her back or stomach, repeating the
routine until locked into immobility by the male. She may have an uncontrollable
impulse to bite even before intercourse, and will do serious damage to her
partner's lips unless he guards himself. More rarely, she will exhibit the
tendency to kiss violently, practically smothering the male's mouth and at the
same time forcing her breasts and body into the closest proximity with his. She
may be seized with uncontrollable body jerks as soon as the male places an arm
about her, and such spasms may continue for several minutes. All these various
manifestations of emotions are usually accompanied by heavy breathing or panting
and occasional deep, drawn-out sighs.
As the first half of foreplay continues and passion mounts, many women will
repeatedly employ terms of violent affection. In other words, many women want to
express themselves in terms of endearment, while others wish to hear such
expressions. Some women, even those of respectable background, will employ
incredible smut, repeating sidewalk words as added thrills overtake them; others
talk a fantastic nonsense, disconnected and childish. No woman, however, wishes
to speak during orgasm.
All of these various emotional make-ups are perfectly normal, the women in no
degree being oversexed. They merely possess a sense of passion more acute than
that of the majority and deep enough to drive inhibitions from their minds. All
react during foreplay in a manner similar to that which has been described, and
occasionally even in the first half of it.
It is also well to indicate, since we are discussing the highly passionate
group, which is also the highly sensitive group, just what manner of foreplay
arouses them. As a consequence of the various factors, such as the degree of
sensitivity in the erogenous zones or the individual natures which make up a
woman's sexual temperament, it should be clear that all women will not respond
in the same manner to identical stimuli. Some women who react intensely to the
effect of kissing can be aroused quickly, perhaps in two minutes, by simply
being pressed close to their partner, their lips engaged in whatever type of
kiss most appeals to them. Others may require this and the added stimulus of
some slight or strong genital squirming as externals are pressed against
externals or as the female genitals are rubbed against the male thigh. There are
others who, after a minute of such intimacy, will ask for the immediate
insertion of the penis, desiring even that foreplay take place from the most
intimate position. Still others enjoy, even more than the mouth kiss, the
kissing and fondling of their breasts, becoming so aroused and enraptured as to
be ready immediately thereafter for intercourse. Others may enjoy a combination
of mouth, neck, and breast kissing while the male hands explore the waist, hips,
and the outside and inside of the thighs, or squeeze gently the area just above
the knees. Still others enjoy the proximity of the penis between their breasts.
Ninety per cent of the highly passionate group have an overwhelming desire to
caress the male organ orally, approaching it with a suddenness and directness
which leaves no doubt that the impulse and desire are overpowering. Others enjoy
being kissed by sections, their partners starting at the mouth and covering all
the erogenous zones in order as the women lie their in a gasping ecstasy.
Throughout the time these various procedures are taking place, the highly
sensitive type of woman is experiencing in her genital region definite
sensations which occur in the lowly and moderately sensitive usually only when
the genitals are directly stimulated.
The highly passionate types, the most expressive in their passion, require no
genital stimuli to prepare them for the sex act; however, no man should neglect
this phase because, unlike the majority of women, a good measure of the male's
excitement is inspired by handling the genital area of the female.
Perhaps the reader will now understand what was meant when it was stated
previously that what may seem unusual to the inexperienced may be quite ordinary
to the initiated. One who constantly and successfully pursues women must so
frequently encounter females of the type just described that their behavior
seems as commonplace as that of the unresponsive woman who can attain only one
orgasm. An inexperienced man who has had limited sexual association, or an
uninformed woman of only moderate sensitivity, might easily regard the more
highly passionate type as being abnormally sensitive when, in fact, they are no
less normal than other women.
The moderately passionate mother who reads this may very well have a daughter
who falls into the above group; her child's sexual make-up is something with
which no mother can be completely familiar. Hence, it is criminal negligence for
any parent to assume that a daughter can always be trusted to exercise
self-control and can therefore be given unrestricted freedom with the opposite
Although foreplay should be lengthy, it could, as has been said, be quite short
with a highly sensitive woman, because the quality of her passion is much like a
consuming fire which spreads rapidly. Nevertheless, if extended foreplay is
employed, as it should be with every woman, it acts as fuel added to an already
Genital stimuli, when applied to this type and added to a pitch of excitement
which is already fever high, will result in a condition of ecstasy that will
bring about immediate orgasm if not carefully controlled by the male. Although
many women request intercourse soon after their partner engages in sex play,
controlled maintenance of the latter will produce in the female a rapture which
can be continuous until the male is ready to engage in the intercourse.
Up to this point, then, the highly passionate woman, a member of the minority,
has been discussed in detail as to her emotional make-up, desires, impulses, and
response to foreplay. She will be shown to be a complex creature, less capable
of being fitted into a routine pattern of treatment than the majority of women
who will now be discussed. This is because her impulses and a more highly
sex-sensitive nature may cause her to respond with unusual rapidity and
fierceness on one occasion and smouldering lassitude on another. However, the
unmistakable symptoms of volcanic heat are always to be recognized in her rapid
panting and the unrealistic mood which seems to overcome her. It is apparent
that she has entered a world of her own where there exists nothing but
overwhelming passion. For this reason, although it is always well to start out
systematically, it is best to accommodate her impulses and desires and follow
wherever they lead, since she is demonstrative in her emotion and automatically
selects a course best calculated to arouse her to the blazing emotion that is
characteristic of her.
The majority of women, the moderately and lowly sensitive, likewise exhibit
variations; some are more passionate than others. However, they all generally
fall into an uncomplicated method of procedure in which time for adequate
arousal is the important element. As has already been stated, such women are
more or less passive and silent during foreplay, aside from the squirming which
takes place in close embrace. They are content to allow the male to arouse them.
A single phase of foreplay is not sufficient to excite them to the emotional
heights of which even in their limited way they are capable. One must utilize
every technique to arouse them to a point equaling that attained by their more
passionate sisters in only the first part of foreplay. Osculation, for example,
while intensely enjoyed, will not produce the panting, deep sighs, or the
violent quivering which a single kiss will induce in the highly passionate. The
ear or neck, concentrated upon by the male, will add only a little fuel to the
flame. The male hands, moving over the female body and avoiding the genital
area, have the capacity to induce but a limited emotion, generally insufficient
to cause an erection of the clitoris. And so it goes with any combination of
hand or mouth procedures involved in the first part of foreplay. It is usually
possible to excite such women only so far.
Nevertheless, this phase, though not necessarily invoking an intense degree of
passion, is highly pleasurable to such a woman, and she has no objection to an
indefinite continuance of it. It stimulates, of course, a desire for something
more enveloping, but she is far from overwhelmed and submerged in the drive of
her own emotion. It is only when, in the second part, the male hand begins to
stroke and caress the external genitals that she begins to experience a
definite, mounting increase of emotion, although this area generally, outside of
the clitoris, can produce no orgastic sensation whatever in the lowly sensitive.
It is as though this region were deadened by a local anesthetic.
This must be clearly understood by the male as well as by the woman herself.
Although it has been said that stroking the vulva, with the exception of the
clitoris, will produce little or no sensation of gathering orgasm, it does,
nevertheless, increase passion. This reaction is mental rather than physical,
because it registers on the female mind that her lover is now engaged with the
most intimate part of her body, and this realization is exciting. Just as the
mind of a man dwelling upon an intimate situation with a woman will produce
desire and erection, although not orgasm or any of the physical sensation
associated with orgasm, so the fact that her lover is now occupied with this
private section of her body will likewise induce greater excitement on the part
of the female.
As his hand, however, begins to stroke the clitoris, causing its erection or
developing it, a definite physical sensation suggesting indescribable pleasure
begins to take place, and it is at this point that the lowly and moderately
sensitive may be said to start experiencing the drive with which the highly
sensitive are imbued almost at the beginning.
It must be realized, of course, that there are also varying degrees of passion
within the ranks of the lowly and moderately sensitive and that these two groups
represent the majority of women. The only characteristic distinguishing them is
the length of time required to produce an orgasm or the number of which they are
capable. Let it be assumed, for example, that, following the first part of
fore-play, a woman requires five minutes of clitorial excitation to create
orgasm. Such a woman would, naturally, be more quickly aroused and consequently
regarded as more sensitive than a woman who requires fifteen minutes, provided
the orgastic period were the same for both. Also, a woman who, following
clitoral excitation, experiences two orgasms would likewise be more sensitive or
passionate than one who experiences less. However, in the preliminaries of
fore-play, the responsiveness to sexual stimulation is generally the same. These
women are impassive and inactive, and are not necessarily aroused to an
emotional pitch by reason of presence in bed, nudity, or intimate proximity.
It might be well to mention also that all women, the highly sensitive as well as
others, are at times more subject to sexual emotion than at others, frequently
just prior to menstruation, during it, or immediately following. On these
occasions, they are capable of quicker arousal, and the clitoris will be found
in an approximate state of erection when the partner turns his attention to it.
Orgasm can also be induced more rapidly and will be more intense. This condition
can result also from a number of other factors, but these occasions are not too
frequent and will scarcely involve more than two or three out of every ten
relationships indulged in by the married woman.
There is still one other type of woman who is as distinctive in her way as is
the highly passionate. This type is much like the majority in that she is not
too expressive in her emotion during foreplay. That she does, however, clearly
become absorbed in sexual excitement is indicated by her repeated opening or
rolling her eyes upward and then closing them. Her most distinguishing feature,
however, is the number of separate orgasms she has the capacity to experience
consistently during every relationship; these vary in number from five to ten.
She also resembles the majority in that her climaxes must be clitorally induced;
contrariwise, she is unlike them in that she can be aroused, not so speedily as
the highly sensitive, but more rapidly than the others. Her orgasm is of the
same individual type as that of the majority of women. (There are two types of
orgasms, both of which will be described and graphically illustrated in a
subsequent chapter.) This latter type of woman is the most difficult of all to
satisfy. Any interference with her mood or error in procedure can operate to
reduce the number of orgasms she will experience on any given occasion. This
places a certain amount of strain upon the husband who tries to make the most of
a relationship for her.
We have now described all the various types of normal women who constitute
partners in sexual intimacy. They have been discussed as to their ability to
respond emotionally and physically, as to their tastes and desires, as to the
manner of their emotional and physical expression, and as to their personal
feelings as revealed through foreplay. Since the writer divides the performance
of a sexual relationship into three parts, namely foreplay, intercourse, and
abatement, it is now appropriate to discuss the second and most important phase,