Frequent letters are received commenting upon the subject matter of
the author's previous books. For the most part they come from educated readers
of comfortable circumstances who thank us for giving the public an informative
text on a subject about which, heretofore, little of practical value has been
written for the layman. Since these communications are usually the same in tone,
it may prove advantageous to quote one of these in paraphrased form, a
precaution taken to protect the identity of the sender. Readers will then see
that others are confronted with their identical problems.
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Your publisher has been requested to send you this letter. Actually, I cannot
improve on what has already been printed on the jacket of your book.
Since I have been married nearly 20 years, I am hardly a youth, but I believe a
person is never too old to learn.
Unfortunately, it is impossible for the average man to size up the sexual
qualities of his future wife as he can her intellectual and social ones, all of
which have a definite bearing on the success of matrimony.
Throughout many of the long years of my marriage, I tried t6 excuse the lack of
sexual harmony existing between us on the grounds that I must give my wife time
to get used to the idea of sexual relationships; that, perhaps, it was my fault.
But this philosophy is no longer valid. She is passive, unresponsive, but
dutiful. Experimentation in our early wedded life was disagreeable to her.
Occasionally, just before a period, a satisfactory relationship occurs. But this
is a rare event.
I have been forced to conclude finally that I am not to blame, just as I have
been forced occasionally to take up with temporary mistresses. These
relationships were always satisfactory to both parties. I never maintained them
over prolonged periods, because I would do nothing to disturb my marriage. But
during these intervals a varied sexual activity was engaged in, and I discovered
oral connection to be a common practice with women with any degree of passion.
This is out of the question with my wife. What little response she has is purely
I know I have remained with her all these years because I love her. She is a
good mother and housewife. But as a sweetheart, she is a failure.
I know too, there are others in the world in the same position I am. Being a
traveling man, I have discussed the situation many times in an evening spent in
a hotel lobby. We are unfortunates with no sexual compatibility in our lives as
may be found in other partnerships. Occasionally, now, I still seek diversion.
Even "Gall Girls" have certain charms that undoubtedly only too many wives could
adopt for the betterment of home life. My present feeling toward my wife is
largely one of obligation for having spent so many years with me.
Thank you for the contents of your book. Many others, I know, have gained as
much from reading it as I have. Perhaps sexual compatibility can only come with
the right girl at the right time."
This is a tragic letter, made more so by the unnecessary circumstances that led
up to it. Although it is probably now too late for an adjustment it was not too
late in the beginning.
Clearly the writer is an educated man, a decent man with good ethical standards,
a respect for his wife, and a strong regard for the obligations of matrimony.
Only those who are either naive or live an unnatural existence will criticize
his occasional philanderings. It has been forced upon him as it would be forced
upon most men given similar opportunities. There is no point in saying he should
have withstood temptations of the flesh. The flesh has been made purposely weak
to combat abstention in this respect and assure the perpetuation of the race.
Furthermore, a craving that remains unsatisfied day after day must eventually
In our younger years sexual hunger plays a dominant role in our lives. It is a
constant force to be controlled lather than destroyed. Control is intended. It
is too powerful a factor not to require some measure of restraint. We read
constantly in newspaper headlines what occurs when sex runs amuck. The result is
rape and murder. Consequently, everyone, regardless of sexual demands must
exercise a definite control over his impulses. But this does not mean
suppression. It merely means intelligent restraint, which can be imposed in
various ways without interfering too greatly with sexual gratification.
It must never be assumed that the author regards the sexual urge as the major
factor in a matrimonial partnership. Most important by far is the spiritual
element. This pronouncement is made not for the purpose of seeking
ecclesiastical approval but because it is absolute fact. The writer of the
foregoing letter himself proves this when he says, "I know I have remained with
her all these years because I love her." Even a serious complaint of almost
twenty years duration, hasn't sufficient strength to force him to abandon a good
and faithful wife, though, perhaps, a thoughtless one. Had he been a less
determined man, as too many men are, his marriage would have dissolved long ago.
But next to the spiritual, the need for sexual gratification is the most
powerful secondary factor in our lives. It bears the relationship of oil to
gasoline in the operation of a car. An automobile can run longer without oil
than gas. But eventually the lack of a lubricant will impose it's penalty.
Something snaps or burns, and the car is halted despite a full tank of fuel—the
No reader should make the mistake of thinking that the foregoing letter
represents an isolated case. Nor should one delude himself or herself into
believing that it typifies no more than a tiny fraction of matrimonial
relationships. The letter speaks for the condition existing in the majority of
marriages, marriages held together only by economic necessity. Divorce is
How, then, does a couple go about correcting this unfortunate situation? They
start by taking for granted at the very outset of marriage that sooner or later
the powerful urge of sex will introduce serious complications into their wedded
life; complications often sufficient to bring about divorce. They start also by
realizing that the perfect marriage is rare—so rare, in fact, it is no
exaggeration to say that total harmony is non-existent. No one, absolutely no
one, can state truthfully that five, ten, fifteen, or fifty years of wedded life
has failed to manufacture some sort of friction serious enough to create periods
of deep unhappiness.
But in addition to the friction resulting entirely from human contrariness,
other types of irritations intrude and further complicate married life. It may
be another man or woman, the mortgage, the old car, a problem child, the loss of
a job, or a hundred other ills. All these can and do upset the balance of
domestic harmony and lead to acts of inconsideration that would not occur but
for such outside problems. When all of these various influences are combined, it
is not at all surprising that divorce or separation assumes alarming
proportions. Nor is too much imagination required to approximate the more
stupendous increase that would result, finances permitting.
The marriage ceremony anticipates something of the grimness of the future when
both hopefuls swear before God to take each other "for better, for worse; for
richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; until death do them part." It
contains no optimistic phrases or sentiments. It is a matter of vows. Human
experience has revealed the marriage path to be an uncertain one; so uncertain,
in fact, that those traveling over it are forced by oath to remain together.
Closely bound together by matrimony, then, are two inter-dependent
forces—spiritual love and sexual love. Regarding the spiritual, no established
rules can be set down to cover every specific act in which we may engage. We may
find ourselves at some time involved in undreamed-of situations. But with
respect to the sexual side of our lives, the solution is far simpler. Definite
complications can be anticipated and a procedure prescribed that will prevent
Consequently, regardless of the optimism and certainty with which everyone faces
the altar, the newly wedded couple must reconcile themselves to the fact that
sooner or later one partner will sexually fail the other unless immediate steps
are taken to prevent it. In most instances the wife will disappoint the husband,
particularly in later years. It is, therefore, the male's first step to adapt
his wife to the sexual environment that will constantly surround her. His
failure to do this makes him fully responsible for any sexual incompatibility
that may subsequently enter his married life. The writer of the foregoing letter
evidently neglected to do this.
But no criticism attaches to him. In his youth, he lacked the knowledge born of
experience. But what youth has it? What youth can have it? A boy's parents are
probably as ignorant of the facts of life as the son. More than likely the
father, himself, is a victim of sexual discontent. If so, he is either reluctant
to discuss the matter with his boy, or feels his case is an exception to the
general belief that most marriages are sexual successes—when they are, in fact,
sexual failures. Furthermore, there are no adequate educational courses on the
subject; nor are there adequate texts for the laymen.
Consequently, it is to be expected that any youth will take for granted that a
sexual relationship, because it is a universal indulgence, is also a mechanical
one. This ignorance is the root of the evil. On the contrary, satisfactory
sexual association requires thoroughly scientific practices if any degree of
permanent harmony is to follow.
There are warnings all along the road of matrimony. Not only must one be able to
read them; he or she must also be able to anticipate them. It is not a
picturesque highway. The plan of it never varies. Of course, certain side roads
run off here and there, but these can be ignored. We are concerned only with the
route taken by the vast majority of travelers. We will follow that road, observe
its warnings, and pursue it safely to its end.
It must be realized that man and woman are for the most part, direct opposites.
Not only are the two words themselves antonyms, but in their relationship man
and woman stand in marked contrast to each other. Physically, man is strong,
woman is weak. Intellectually, man is logical, woman is emotional. Morally, man
is loose, woman is strict. Spiritually, man is hard, woman is soft. In the
selection of other categories, it is the man who pursues and woman who is
pursued, the man who gambles and the woman who insists upon security, the man
who provides the income, and the woman who runs the home. This is the pattern, a
perfect system of check and balance. The exceptions do not count. Numerically,
they are only a small percentage of the whole.
Since in all other relationships this matter of opposites holds true, it should
be expected that the same formula obtains in sexual relationship. It does, and
we find that man by nature requires active and constant association in the
practice of sex, while a woman inclines toward passivity and eventual lack of
interest. Nor is this deniable on any basis of knowledge. Looking at the animal
kingdom we find that the bitch, the mare, the doe, to mention just a few, are
only periodically in heat while the male of the specie knows no such limitation.
This is, of course, precisely as nature intended it. The male has been selected
to plant the seed at every opportunity. The perpetuation of the specie depends
on it. Man and woman are not excepted.
Man, however, has been endowed with qualities and abilities not possessed by the
lower orders. He is expected by the Creator to utilize these gifts for their
intended purposes. Man must use judgment. But this alters neither man's nor
woman's basic position in the scheme of things. Sexually, he is essentially
active, she passive. This, of course, is as it should be. Were both man and
woman constantly in a sexual mood, overpopulation would surely become a problem.
Were they both equally restrained, underpopulation would result. But as it
stands the system of check and balance follows through. Woman is the moderating
It becomes obvious, then, that sooner or later a wife by her very endowment is
going to interpose a barrier to the sexual demands of her husband. It may or may
not be beyond her control, it may be conscious or unconscious, it may be
deliberate or unintentional. But unless a man is married to a member of the
sexual minority, the average wife will eventually bring him periods of sexual
With this certainty facing him, a man must for his own sake, as well as his
wife's, take steps long before the occurrences to modify a situation he cannot
altogether prevent. He must, in short, insure the fact that the sweetheart he
married forever remains one, in addition to becoming a wife. Only the male can
do this, because it is not within a woman's power. Indeed, there are certain
definite obligations that a wife owes to her husband. But unless she is
unusually intelligent and thoughtful, even these will be overlooked unless
brought to her attention.
Let us stop on the road over which we are traveling, and study a common warning
sign. It may be somewhat concealed because there is intent to conceal. A husband
must be alert and watchful for it. It concern's a wife's reluctance to dress and
undress before her husband. Since she herself feels a twinge of guilt at the
undue embarrassment experienced on these occasions, she attempts to be casual
about her actions. Consequently, her husband sees nothing suggestive in them.
The fact that she consistently dresses and undresses in the bathroom, leads him
to believe she simply prefers to leave her underclothes there. She might have
remarked, originally that she finds the bathroom warmer in the morning. If so,
he does not wonder why she takes her underclothing there during the summer or in
the early evening when they are preparing to go out. At these times the house is
quite comfortable. Or why she always happens to turn her back when changing a
brassiere, or to take shelter behind a closet door when removing her
Of course, being a woman this behavior pattern is more instinctive than
otherwise. Woman is by nature modest. Normally, she is self-conscious regarding
anything in conflict with this innate distaste for nudity.
This would be perfectly acceptable if it extended no further. But unfortunately
it does. If a reserve is maintained with respect to simple nakedness, certainly
more binding restraints are likely to be applied at times of even greater
intimacy—sexual relations. Precisely what these may be can vary, and are treated
elsewhere in the book. It is sufficient to say at this point, that undue modesty
in a minor situation forecasts a still greater example of it in a major one.
Regardless of how normal this reaction may be at ordinary times, measures must
be taken immediately to nullify it. It should be done by having a heart-to-heart
talk, and it is suggested that a direct approach in line with the following take
place some evening when both parties are completely relaxed and intend to spend
a quiet evening at home.
"Grace," the husband might say by way of introduction, "let's have a little talk
about something, something very important. Okay?" Grace will probably say,
"Sure, of course."
The husband then goes on. "Now I want you to be perfectly frank. That's the
important thing, frankness. Don't say 'Yes' or 'No' to anything unless you
honestly mean it. Promise?"
Grace will answer, "I promise. What's it all about?"
"Well," her husband continues, "Tell me exactly how you feel about sex, about
sexual intercourse. Do you feel that it is indecent, even the least little bit.
Now think carefully/5
Grace, who will not want to admit even to herself that she is troubled at times,
will ignore the request for frankness and say, "Of course, I don't feel it is
indecent. It's a perfectly natural thing to engage in."
"That's really how you feel about it, is it?" her husband should go on. "You
feel perfectly relaxed, perfectly at ease, not the slightest thing on your
Grace might hesitate very slightly at this point, so slightly that a hopeful
mate might be inclined to overlook it, and then reply, "Well . . . yes. Why do
you ask me?"
"I'll tell you in a minute. I just have a couple of more questions. How do you
feel about nakedness, Grace. I mean in front of me. Does it embarass you?"
Grace will probably pause noticeably this time. Then, if she has any intention
of being frank, she will answer, "Well ... yes it does."
Her husband then asks, "Why?"
"Well," Grace will probably reply, "I don't know exactly. I just feel funny
"How?" persists her husband.
"Well," continues Grace, "I guess I'm just not used to going around without any
clothes on in front of men."
"Yes, but I'm not 'men.' I'm your husband. After all, we don't have any physical
secrets from each other. I know every square inch of you."
"I know," Grace will say, "But that's different. We're under the covers, the
lights are out."
The husband continues. "But on our honeymoon the lights weren't always out.
There were several afternoons. Remember?"
"Yes, but the covers were always up, if you remember."
The husband reflects and recalls that this is true.
"Well, Grace," he continues, "I'll tell you why I'm asking these questions. I
don't care if you undress in the bathroom, or in the cellar, provided you have
some other reason for it than just plain modesty. I'm not the gloating type, you
Grace nods and her husband goes on. "I just want you to see sex in the right
perspective, Grace. I don't want you to feel for an instant that anything we do
in bed is wrong. I don't want you to feel that nakedness is indecent. There is
nothing wrong whatever with any aspect of normal sex, and particularly between
husband and wife. Take my word for it, Grace, there is nothing that you or I
will do, that millions of other couples won't be doing."
"Well, I guess you're right."
"There's no guessing about it. Take the youngster. She doesn't hide behind the
closet door or lock the bathroom everytime she takes a shower. She doesn't see
anything wrong in walking around without any clothes on in front of her parents.
She won't do it in front of anyone else, but she would be as self-conscious as
you are right now if she were brought up to believe there is something indecent
about a naked body. Do you follow me?"
"Let me ask you something else, Grace. How do you suppose this idea about nudity
"I don't know."
"It developed because of peoples' stupid idea concerning sex. Nudity is
associated with sexual activity, and too many people always feel guilty when
engaging in sex. It's as if they're doing something they're not supposed to do.
Well, that's just as stupid. The very existence of the orgasm, the
uncontrollable erection of the male, the sensitivity of the clitoris—all these
things were created in us to make sure we'd have sexual relations. In other
words we were trapped into it. Why should we fight it then? If nature were so
opposed to it, she wouldn't have set this trap. That's only common sense, isn't
"And while we're on the subject, let me ask you one more question. When we're
having a relationship, do you let yourself go completely?"
"I suppose so. What do you mean?"
"I mean this. Do you try to keep from moaning or twisting too violently for fear
that I might think it's strange, for fear that I might think you're over-sexed,
for fear that I might think you are enjoying yourself too much?"
Grace might consider this question a few moments before answering. "Well, I
suppose I do ... sometimes."
"All right, Grace, then let's have an understanding right now. I don't ever want
you to exert any self-control again. And you should know this too. There isn't a
man who doesn't enjoy a passionate woman. The more passionate she is, the more
he enjoys her. The more likely he is, too, not to run around with other women,
because another woman won't have any more to offer him than his wife. Can you
Grace nods, and her husband continues. "And while we're at it, Grace, let's get
this straight, too. I don't hesitate to make my feelings known when I'm in a
sexual mood. But if you restrain yourself, because of some ridiculous idea that
it's unladylike to let me know when you feel the same, I won't be able to detect
it. It's just as much your duty to let me know when you want to be loved as it
is mine to love you. Is that clear?"
"I hope it is, Grace, I hope you're just not taking this as some routine
conversation. It's a very serious matter, very serious. Much of our future
happiness can depend on it."
How many young men, or any married men, have ever held such a conversation with
their wives? What makes a man think that it isn't necessary? What makes him
believe the average woman feels or should feel precisely the same about such
matters as he? Only his assumption that because he does, she does.
On the other hand, if the average man devoted even half as much time in reaching
an early understanding with his wife as he subsequently spends attempting to
badger her into intercourse when she is disinclined, a far more satisfactory
relationship would exist among married couples today and in the future.
This chapter deals only with the restraint imposed by women upon themselves:
restraint resulting from society's general attitude toward the sexual
relationship. Another chapter discusses specific experiences that may have
created sexual apathy in a woman.
Why should conversation of this nature be held early in married life, and why is
it basic? We discover this as we proceed further along the road we have been
traveling. Grace and Walter are now two years older. Walter, however, neglected
to have a discussion of the character previously suggested. During the interval,
the novelty of sex, the desire for frequent engagement, has diminished
considerably. In fact, now that her appetite has been satisfied time and time
again, Grace in her off moods sees a certain sordidness in the sexual picture.
Why can't she and Walter watch television without the inevitable running of his
hand beneath her dress or beneath her brassiere This constant inclination of his
to be always fooling around has a certain amount of crudeness to it.
The fact is that Walter is not always doing this. For him, too, but only as far
as Grace is concerned, the original heat of the honeymoon has reduced itself,
but to a less limited degree. Grace is a woman. It should be expected that her
sexual ardor will gradually diminish, though not her devotion. During the first
three or four months of marriage Walter would attempt to arouse his wife at
least every other night and meet no objection. Now, he is adjusted to a four
night interval or an occasional three. To Grace, however, the periods seem
Walter observes disappointedly that Grace assumes the most uncooperative
positions on the divan when she doesn't select one of the chairs. Nor does she
seem to encourage his intimacies as frequently as she used to. She is now very
definite about saying, "Turn out the light, Walter." She never fails to wear her
pajama pants and lay on her side as soon as she strikes the pillow. "It's not as
easy to get at Grace at it used to be," muses Walter, but he still attributes
much of it to coincidence. After all, when he is really aroused she cooperates
Fifteen years pass; the travelers are now well along the road. They have a son
of nine, daughters of twelve and three. For some reason Walter has not kept pace
with the optimistic dreams of his youth. He isn't earning any more or any less
than his neighbors, and, like them, he can't afford a maid for Grace. The girls
seem to need more clothes than can reasonably be afforded, so Grace is always
making something or other. The older youngsters get along just like any other
brother and sister, and Grace's nerves are frequently worn thin from their
constant bickering. Too often Walter finds a short-tempered wife when he returns
from the plant in the evening. By the time the youngest child is asleep and the
others quarrel their way to bed, Grace is so thoroughly exhausted, she can
hardly wait to turn in.
But Walter is not without his aggravations. He's disgusted with office politics
and far from happy with his salary. Many an evening he'd like nothing better
than to relax with Grace in one of their more tender moods of former years. He
knows, though, that she is tired and irritable, and he reflects upon the many
times that this is the situation. Besides she no longer responds as readily to
sexual stimulation. A woman must be both mentally and physically rested before
she becomes susceptible to excitation. Walter meditates upon the infrequency of
these occasions. Once in a while, following some social gathering and a few
drinks, Grace does behave as in their early married life. But these are rare
instances. Walter wonders what has happened and whether this state of affairs
will continue. He is now only forty. Even at fifty he will still be vigorous
We follow the road for these ten years. Grace is now 48. Walter has finally
attained a certain measure of financial security, but hardly in keeping with his
once bright hopes. Their older daughter is married, the son is away at college,
the youngest about to enter high school. At last Walter has managed to create a
somewhat satisfactory sex life for himself. Of course, it does not revolve
around Grace. A comfortable and sexually active widow of perhaps 38 now provides
Walter with the type of society his wife denied him. Grace herself is still far
from elderly. She accommodates Walter's less frequent amative demands with
greater tolerance now that she has been relieved of the pure drudgery of the
previous ten years. But it is a mechanical relationship. Grace is sexually
apathetic. Indeed, given her choice, she would prefer to avoid sex entirely.
Only a belated sense of duty motivates her on these infrequent occasions.
We must face it. This is the road most married couples travel on their sexual
journey. Dull, unpicturesque, pitted with frustrations, alive with perilous
possibilities. The solution lies in an alternate road; one with sturdy
embankments that resist landslides, and firm paving that refuses to succumb to
washouts. A wedded pair is well on this road when they reach the understanding
previously discussed. Some men will, of course, insist and be absolutely right,
that their wives at no time during the early period of their marriages ever
showed the slightest reluctance to undress or appear in the nude. Nevertheless,
these husbands will claim that their wives are cold today.
This can be perfectly true, but the germ of excess modesty was always lurking
within those women precisely as it lurks in a varying degree in every woman,
including the most brazen prostitute. But there is a reason why it did not make
itself manifest immediately. First, one must consider the impression that most
people have regarding intercourse; the impression that society as well as the
home has forced upon them; the impression that all sexual relationship is
indecent. Even the press enjoys nothing better than the opportunity to release
news, the major ingredient of which is adultery or sexual intimacy of some type.
Heads shake throughout the world at the appalling thought that "X" spent a
certain night in bed with "Y". Of course, heads should shake, though not by
reason of any sexual element involved, but because protected sexual machines
lack the good taste to indulge their appetites privately.
We read of street walkers, and expensive call girls. It seems that these
depraved creatures indulge in sexual intercourse! It makes no difference that if
the reader asked why sexual relationship is a revolting activity, he would not
receive an intelligent answer. The hypocrisies of our society do not permit it.
Think carefully before answering the following questions. Where has one read, or
who has ever been told, that sexual intercourse, under any circumstances is a
proper, necessary, healthy, normal function, and the principal objective of
nature? Where does one read or hear that sexual intercourse was intended for
pleasure, as well as perpetuation ; otherwise, why the provision for the orgasm,
the most delightful of all sensations? Most of us, if not everyone, will find
difficulty in producing a shred of evidence giving wholehearted approval to the
sex act. Parents approach the subject with embarrassment. One can hear the echo
of a mother's voice advising her daughter, "So, Evelyn, as John's wife, you will
owe him your sexual society. This is your wifely obligation."
Indeed, a most intelligent observation and a laudable sentiment, but why instill
in the mind of a girl that the sex act is merely a debt due her future husband
and not also a pleasure? Why not say something like this?
"So, Evelyn, do not hesitate at any time to make your sexual desires known to
John, as he will make them known to you. It is the most delightful of all
physical relationships, so enjoy it while you have the youth for it. You won't
have it always."
No mother talks in this vein to her daughter. She is, herself, oppressed with
guilt and fearful less the girl assume that she, her mother, enjoys a healthy
sex life. The entire discussion is laden with apology for a union that is the
consummation of the love and devotion of two persons for each other.
How, then, can any husband expect a wife to come to him always relaxed in her
mind if she considers intercourse an act to be engaged in only at times of
overwhelming passion, or strictly as a duty! Yet, deep within the subconscious
of almost every woman, if not active in the conscious, is this unhealthy
attitude toward sexual enjoyment for its own sake.
If, then, she appears in the early periods of marriage to be without certain
inhibitions, it is only because the novelty of intimacy and passions not yet
thoroughly appeased have temporarily buried her doubts, much in the manner than
a man will rationalize murder in the heat of anger and deplore it in the sober
light of reaction.
Therefore, no husband can allow himself to be misled by initial sexual
abandonment on the part of his wife, nor should she allow herself to be deceived
by her earlier physical reactions and assume that the future will be a
continuous series of excitedly awaited sexual climaxes. She, as well as he, must
realize that the early stage of marriage is only temporary. She must condition
herself to recall the fact, if a fact it is, that their previous relationship
was by no means unpleasant to her. Strangely, prior sexual associations are to
the average woman similar to labor pains. Both are quickly forgotten.
On the other hand, it is up to the husband to draw these facts to her attention
and to provide the stimulation that will make their future sex life, at least, a
perfectly agreeable one, if not an existence of continuous sensuality. In this
word "agreeable" is the crux of the matter. This is the most the average married
man can hope to accomplish. To do this, he must be a capable lover, and
capability is not inherent. It must be acquired. A husband need only follow the
procedures outlined here as he would a blue print, to insure the fact that,
regardless of his wife's sexual make-up, his performance will be beyond
At this point the following question may arise: if, as the author has asserted,
a woman's sexual feeling is fore-ordained to diminish, how can anyone prevent
the operation of a seemingly fixed natural law? The answer is this: it is done
by conditioning. If, from the time of marriage, sexual intercourse can be
recalled by a wife always as a pleasant experience, no reason exists to avoid
it. Even though her need for satisfaction is no longer as strong as her
husband's, she has been conditioned to realize that proper stimulation will
arouse her beyond the point of apathy and to actual desire. If, however, always
occupying the forepart of her mind, is the half-guilty feeling that some
illicit, degrading, impure, or unholy act is being committed, it is easy to see
that only apathy and actual distaste will result.
If, then, we combine with this, a crude, selfish sexual performance by a
sexually uneducated husband; one with careless habits of personal cleanliness,
or whose desire is inflamed on occasion by drunkenness—who can fail to
understand the increasing dislike for sexual union by an already indifferent
It might be well to emphasize a condition of which, thanks to advertising,
everyone should be conscious, but yet at times will overlook. Chronic bad
breath, the cause of which is unknown and for which there is no cure at the
present time, regardless of what one hears, can obviously impose a barrier to
sexual enjoyment. Whether it be chronic or periodic, it is probable that all of
us are offenders now and then, because the condition is no respecter of persons.
Unfortunately, we may not be aware of it unless told; and everyone, even husband
and wife, shares a reluctance to inform in this respect. Between marriage
partners, however, it should be pointed out for the good of both.
In summary, the continuous fulfillment of a man's sexual needs can be achieved
only when every vestige of sexual self-consciousness is entirely divorced from
his mate, and when his technique in the art of sexual intercourse is
perfect—because it is an art. Unless a woman can be conditioned to a complete
abandonment of all inhibitions, no amount of mastery by her husband with regard
to sexual procedure is sufficient to guarantee him a life of complete sexual